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Parenting a Sexual Abuse Victim

Posted by MomWhoHurts • 2/20/10
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As a parent of a child who has disclosed their sexual abuse one can often feel alone. It is difficult to find support and safe places within your own community to talk. Thank God for the internet. This discussion is for anyone who has experienced sexual abuse first hand or as a non-abusing observer. Share your stories here and open up discussions. Finally a safe place to talk.

child abuse, incest, parenting, sexual abuse, support, survivor

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MomWhoHurts (2/20/10)

I found out 7 months ago my son was being sexually abused by his cousin. It has been tough and I have been silent to protect his need for privacy. I need support. I need people around me who can understand. I look forward to hearing your stories. I have started a blog telling mine. parentswhohurt.blogspot.com/

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kimrchrdsn (6/11/10)

Often, I wonder ift the disclosure of my own abuse had affected my own parent (mother). She is gone now and pass away from a rare illness in 2005. It had taken her from me a few years prior and with all the work as a parent that I am today, I look back on her life and how she did her best to help me when she could but she stayed with my abuser, my adopted father. She adopted me from Korea when I was four and so you can see the complications of everything. What I do as a parent, I have learned from her to degrees but I've only cherished the good from my childhood.

For you, I hope that you find a safe place to discuss the issues of victimization for yourself and child. Counseling is crucial but groups are effective, to each his own really. Its taken me decades to get up and stand up. I think you have done a brave thing to ask for help. In my town, there is an organization called CALM, that refers to Child Abuse Listening and Mediation. I hope you find help for your child and learn all you can about sexual abuse and know you're not alone. People are out there to help. Find them....and most of all it takes time. I think in today's era, the pain leaves easier and faster as we learn from so many other victims/survivors. I wish you luck.

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chispeak (6/11/10)

I have never been a victim of sexual abuse, and though I hold experience in social services, along with psychology-related degrees, I do not claim to be an expert. I think it is vital for the victim to have a solid support in place. By "solid" I mean at least one individual who can provide non-judgmental, consistent support. Parental support does not mean only "being there" for the victim as a listening ear, but helping to prevent further abuse from occurring. Often, victims feel ashamed, as though they had done something to initiate or "deserve" the abuse. There is a great social stigma attached to the topic, and anyone studying the historical outcomes of lawsuits surrounding victims who legally confront their abusers would be able to say that it has been an uphill battle.

Like Kimrchrdsn said, "Counseling is crucial, but groups are effective; to each his own, really" and I ascribe to the same mentality. I am not suggesting that legal action is the best route, but it is necessary to foster progression of healing. I commend everyone who posted before me with their experiences; the internet has truly changed the way people can "connect" to others. I hope that you all find peace and comfort in your lives and know that you are not alone.

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