Victim Blaming Game only HELPS the Abuser and STOPS Victims from leaving
The Victim Blaming Game which the MEDIA so LOVES is Damaging the Victim's and only stops the victim from coming forward.
Victim's feel shame and their abusers use that to control them. When we ask the question, "Why did she take him back?" we're helping the abuser. In reality it is the abuser who is forcing himself on the victim. Our system helps the abuser by not protecting the victim and even shaming and blaming her. If a victim decides to fight back she is placed on the stand and degraded. The abuser and his attorney know how to use the system to control the victim.
She takes him back because we've helped to teach her learned helplessness. She has to accept her plight in order to live. It's a rare day when a woman escapes her tormentor. Many die in the process, become homeless, lose children, which also re-enforces, "Don't leave."
I have seen it happen in my daughter's Regan's case. It's horrible.
And it's lasting effects never go away.
What we're doing as a society is creating more abusers and victims. For what media time, ratings? TV, radio, internet when sending the wrong message acts as a tool for the abuser. It's costing lives.
For children it's even worse, think what you're teaching them by making them spend time with the man who beat them and their mother. You know who those children often blame? The mother.
www.chicagotribune.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=3...
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Domestic Violence Awareness Day...
http://greatmindsthinklikemera…
To bring awareness to domestic violence.
Please join me in writing a post on your blog about a victim of domestic violence. Also please include links to programs and services that can help the victims and their families. My sister suffered though years of pure hell! Her hubby was able to abuse her and her children, because of silence. Silence, fear and embarrassment are the best tools an abuser can have. Let your voice be heard and save lives.
5/09/09 veryheaven wrote:
you are SOOO DAMMN RIGHT. lately, the german Spiegel TV broadcasted a feature at 22 pm showing horror scenarios of victims being chased by their stalkers and offenders and life chasers. at the end i hoped to see a linklist or adresses or psychology aid numbers - nothing. the audience was left with the impression: those sick people are heros, and there´s less to nothing to do to help the victims. tweeters-unite for this cause especially this year on july 4th.
5/09/09 Lynx wrote:
And when it"isn't physical"-of course it IS physical because the emotional/mental/spiritual bodies are NOT separate from the physical body,will we ever accept this?Experts are only really experts when they've experienced it...the roots of this epidemic remain shrouded in society as a whole,the ignorance of sexism that still regards women as being somehow to 'blame' for the relationship abuse.For that matter, whichever gender,the one being deliberately injured and diminished by the one willing to coerce,force,over' POWER' is NOT to'blame' and there really is no more time for the same old debates and run around.By and large legal measures come too little too late. And simultaneously one isn't free to exercise the unalienable right to protect oneself from threat of harm,only AFTER injury will there be action and even then who knows how it will play out in the courts?A mother can not protect her young if SHE is not able to defend herself first.And I mean in every sense of the word,not stopping at the obvious,meaning physically,but also including ALL forms of mistreatment.
Yes,I am speaking from personal experience.I speak as a woman who has survived relationship abuse at the hands of a'man' whom I trusted and loved.It appears that there are some areas of the US that are 'better" than some others in responding to these crimes; but it is not enough to have to continue to live shunned or shamed for the actions of another,someone that you cared so much about,who deceived from the start who they really are.I am no longer accepting blame nor shame from any...the truth is that this entire WORLD is still in a collective denial as to how little things have really"equalized" for women overall.We are in fact not'equal';biology still remains destiny and without respect no law can secure any type of personal safety.REALpersonal power comes from knowing that you can do whatever you choose without causing harm to another; to live your life unrestricted by fearing harm could come from another who has no regard for your well-being.We have totally NOT moved forward,we devolved when we failed to protect the right to self-defense because psychologically disarmed people are dependent upon OTHERS for protection.Period.
And no,one can't just determine to kill another human being!!!!... but it sure looks like some do so, doesn't it?I continue to speak out I just fail to grasp why building more shelters and coddling the violent is"progress"...
I personally have not had to deal any longer with direct physical abuses but I did in the past. I had been harmed more through ongoing social/emotional/verbal/financial abuse..which of course has had effects upon my physical health!!.And the kids who survived next to me through it all.
"Why doesn't she just leave and start over?"-what an ignorant belief!Maybe the one doing the HARM ought to be the one who is told to leave?Ahhh,but that would be logical....
I know I sound sarcastic.It is a learned defense..or is it merely the: truth?!
A being A and not B,if you know what I mean.Instead we,the injured, are EXPECTED to"swallow our pride",and RUN,and hide? WHY?
I don't get it and the day I do I think will be the day I've lost my inner compass...all of us,in all situations,we are responsible for our actions,from which we learn-or,not.WHY is it in this area we continue to try to find a"reason' that he did what he did?Because he chooses to!!There is no real deterrent is there or it would be extremely rare!We shun the ones harmed like lepers,we coddle the one who chooses to do these actions!
Again I use these terms as a woman,who has been disparaged by a'man'.I do not imply that such cruelty-dare I say it...torture...doesn't happen in other gender-specific relationships.
BTW,they ARE called relationships...not dictatorships,right?!!
I have to run but thank you for listening to me.I am only beginning the journey of reclaiming MY Life.May we all,men and women alike, have the strength and courage to do whatever we must to defend and protect in this area as diligently as the animals are finally being defended and protected !!
We will not be shamed ,we will not be blamed. We will be seen and heard.Now.
"Failure is impossible."~Susan B.Anthony